Joe Pa supposedly spent a life encouraging people, demanding the best from them. This is what the great coaches do, right? The motivator, the one who gets the results, the championships. The one for whom kids dream of playing.
I saw lots of this when I was an undergrad at Nebraska. Tom Osbourne was heading out and it was really amazing to watch the way students stood in reverence of him. I had the chance to meet him when I worked with the summer conference program and I found him to be a calm, warm person. I’m sure a few players witnessed a different side over the years, but since I was also someone who had been in the position of being coached, I had also been in the position of being yelled at by coaches.
The only reason I came into contact with Coach Osbourne was that he stopped by the registration area when we were checking in kids for the football camps. And the high school athletes were starstuck by him. It wasn’t the awe with which my fellow students spoke of him, but rather the cheese-out moment of seeing someone you truly admire, like when I had a convo with Dave Eggers.
The admiration of the kids was earned. They believed in the story, the magic, the tradition. They got to meet the legend and just maybe the legend would be impressed with how they worked at camp. Maybe someday they would be part of the program. I’m sure this scene played out at the big football schools all over the county, whether it was Ohio State, USC, Alabama, or Penn State.
Oh Penn State. What a firestorm you find yourself embroiled in now. The media reports of the students supporting Paterno and rioting at the announcement of his firing made me sick to my stomach. I understand that he was your hero. I get it. I’m sure some of you decided to attend the University because you wanted to be a part of the game day traditions. You could get an education many places, but being part of that football tradition was special, maybe almost sacred to you.
Time to re-evaluate what’s sacred.
I’m usually not the one to get all Nancy Grace when it comes to criminal matters, but this one got me. The NY Times website posted the grand jury transcripts from Jerry Sandusky’s indictment. For the sake of my mental health, I can’t read those right now. When morality gets tossed out the window for the sake of winning or tradition, it’s time to change.
Rick Reilly at ESPN.com wrote an excellent commentary on the 2nd of November regarding these allegations. “If these boys were molested, groped and raped by a middle-aged ex-Penn State football coach, then whatever misjudgment Paterno made will be a single lit match compared to the bonfire these boys will walk in for years to come,” he wrote.
And even if they can tame the bonfire, the shame and guilt that unfairly now follows them can be like walking on hot coals for the rest of their lives. You may learn to manage it, but it’s like a virus that stays with you. The reality of the matter is, when someone is sexually abused, molested, or raped, a part of them dies. Lots of people are victims of crime, but if your carjacked, you don’t spend 24 hours a day in the car. You can get a new car. If they store you work in is robbed, you don’t live a life behind that counter. You can find another job. When your body is violated, you can never leave the scene of the crime. And that pesky guilt and shame will make you feel like a shell of who you were, so you do whatever to numb it or fill it, whether it’s booze or drugs or food or sex or gambling.
I am proud of accusers in this case for having the courage to come forward. For a lot of victims, a part of them that dies is the ability to trust anyone or anything, so having faith in the system to bring justice would have been almost impossible. Throw in the hero worship of a college football program. I am so glad they are finding the strength to take their lives back. I also hope they are able to find the power for forgiveness since that will be a key to letting the pain go.
I don’t know what Paterno was thinking. He could have saved a lot of people a lot of pain if he had worried more about the health and safety of these children than winning football games. He has 17 grandchildren, so statistically speaking, one of them was or will be a victim of a sex crime. All of you know someone who has been a victim, whether or not it’s something that’s discussed. I can’t help but wonder what his attitude would be if one of his children or grandchildren was alleging abuse.
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