One of my friends joked the other day that there should be a support group for the Man Friends of those of us who are obsessed with our dogs. His lady friend is as totally and completely, head over paws in love with her fury child, Oliver, as I am with my bitches. A little good natured ribbing about how the dog doesn't talk so he's better than the Man Friend ensued. And of course I immediately rattled off a list of reasons I love Alli and Joey more than people.
They are always happy to see me. They are excited to eat no matter how many times I feed them the same thing. They protect me. They make me exercise. Their ears are like velvet. They are more loyal than any human is capable of. They don't drink...
They don't accuse me of things I didn't do, like lying. They don't make me feel guilty for things I did do, like eat the last of the ice cream. They never want to fight about money and they could care less about stuff. If they do something bad, they do harbor some guilt, but they get over it so quickly. They don't judge if I take a day or three too long to vacuum the rugs. They keep right on wagging when I sing off-key. They listen.
All they want is my love and my time. Just me.
The Man Friends shouldn't have a support group, they should have a thank-you kibble feed. Dogs give us so much more than we give them. Yeah, I know every cat person on the planet will tell you what a ridiculous statement that is. But the responsibility of caring for a dog gave me my life back. I learned how to trust again because of the Bitches. I learned how to have a schedule again because of the Bitches. I learned that a healthy self-discipline is one of life's greatest gifts because of the Bitches. The Bitches made my heart bigger; they taught me to love.
When I was getting ready for work this morning, the girls watched me from the hallway, as they often do. Looking into those eyes just melts me and I said, "For all the shit I've done wrong in this life, I must have done something right to get you two."
They were probably thinking, "That's a good voice--she's HAPPY! WAG!"
Wag out, Bitches. Be free.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I Am So Glad You Are Here To Mansplain That To Me...
Mansplaining is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying.
Like really, really annoying. I just was involved in a fairly long, completely meaningless thread on The Book that started as a young woman's articulate post on her disapproval of the restrictive abortion heartbeat law in North Dakota. I was one of over 100 people who liked it. It wasn't snarky or sarcastic, just her reaction to being upset about the law. The first handful of comments were supportive or tolerant. And then it turned into the Man Show.
Men talking about how life is a miracle, how abortion leads to regrets, and how the government doesn't force anyone to have sex. No sir, actually our fellow humans seeped in rape culture do force people to have sex sometimes.
And the men kept mansplaining... morals, ethics, consequences, your intellectual curiosity at such a tender age... like a dick makes you an expert on life and morality. Life is precious! Life begins at conception. One girl appreciated my pointing out that, in terms of respecting life beginning at conception "...for animals, it never starts cuz it's okay to treat them like shit and slaughter them for food, clothing, ivory." The men didn't even touch that one, you can't mansplain to girl nuttier than a lark.
Of course, I am a girl to a mansplainer.
Not a woman with the job and the mortgage to prove my grown-up status.
But a mainsplainer will also tell me how easy it is to move to another state if I don't like the laws where I live. 'Cuz it's that easy. You just have all the money and a new job and place to live waiting for you. Duh.
As the argument descended further into the Man Pit, I pointed out that not everyone who had an abortion regrets the decision. The chief Mansplainer felt the need to point out that, having been in the situation where he and a girlfriend chose abortion, he regrets the decision and that all of us would understand when we were older. My exact response: "Not everyone who has an abortion regrets it. Of course it's a difficult, painful choice, but I don't think it's fair to act like someone can't understand a decision due to age."
" it's not fair, its true. It's called experience. You'll understand in a decade or two. Until then..."
That's actually what he said, like some sort of weird father to teenager convo after Junior got in a fight with his basketball coach.
Whenever we disagreed on something, my ex would say, "Maybe you'll understand when you're older."
Flashbacks + mansplaining. Brains seeping from ears...
I pointed out my ripe old age of 35 and dropped a classic line, "Somedays you could rob me and all you'd get is experience."
Oh, but our mansplainer had the answer for that as well: "And now at the wise old age of 35 your views are set. Great. Might I suggest a quick read, "Heaven is For Real" you might enjoy the part where the main character meets his previously unbeknownst unborn sister in heaven. Then tell me how aborting unborn children is just dandy. It could be good experience, if you dare."
For fucks' sake. You, sir, are about four years older than I, oh right, the dick gives you wisdom unbeknownst to someone of the lesser sex, like myself. And apparently, you having your views locked and loaded is just fine because you read a book about a near-death experience that fits into your religious and political views.
Be a Christian. Cool. Don't be a mansplainer.
We ended up making nice after I asked what my double dare was and decided 25 push-ups was easier than downloading the book. I really did the push-ups. Ask the Bitches. I keep my word.
Rants need happytime endings. Old school cuddling Bitches. Peace.
Like really, really annoying. I just was involved in a fairly long, completely meaningless thread on The Book that started as a young woman's articulate post on her disapproval of the restrictive abortion heartbeat law in North Dakota. I was one of over 100 people who liked it. It wasn't snarky or sarcastic, just her reaction to being upset about the law. The first handful of comments were supportive or tolerant. And then it turned into the Man Show.
Men talking about how life is a miracle, how abortion leads to regrets, and how the government doesn't force anyone to have sex. No sir, actually our fellow humans seeped in rape culture do force people to have sex sometimes.
And the men kept mansplaining... morals, ethics, consequences, your intellectual curiosity at such a tender age... like a dick makes you an expert on life and morality. Life is precious! Life begins at conception. One girl appreciated my pointing out that, in terms of respecting life beginning at conception "...for animals, it never starts cuz it's okay to treat them like shit and slaughter them for food, clothing, ivory." The men didn't even touch that one, you can't mansplain to girl nuttier than a lark.
Of course, I am a girl to a mansplainer.
Not a woman with the job and the mortgage to prove my grown-up status.
But a mainsplainer will also tell me how easy it is to move to another state if I don't like the laws where I live. 'Cuz it's that easy. You just have all the money and a new job and place to live waiting for you. Duh.
As the argument descended further into the Man Pit, I pointed out that not everyone who had an abortion regrets the decision. The chief Mansplainer felt the need to point out that, having been in the situation where he and a girlfriend chose abortion, he regrets the decision and that all of us would understand when we were older. My exact response: "Not everyone who has an abortion regrets it. Of course it's a difficult, painful choice, but I don't think it's fair to act like someone can't understand a decision due to age."
" it's not fair, its true. It's called experience. You'll understand in a decade or two. Until then..."
That's actually what he said, like some sort of weird father to teenager convo after Junior got in a fight with his basketball coach.
Whenever we disagreed on something, my ex would say, "Maybe you'll understand when you're older."
Flashbacks + mansplaining. Brains seeping from ears...
I pointed out my ripe old age of 35 and dropped a classic line, "Somedays you could rob me and all you'd get is experience."
Oh, but our mansplainer had the answer for that as well: "And now at the wise old age of 35 your views are set. Great. Might I suggest a quick read, "Heaven is For Real" you might enjoy the part where the main character meets his previously unbeknownst unborn sister in heaven. Then tell me how aborting unborn children is just dandy. It could be good experience, if you dare."
For fucks' sake. You, sir, are about four years older than I, oh right, the dick gives you wisdom unbeknownst to someone of the lesser sex, like myself. And apparently, you having your views locked and loaded is just fine because you read a book about a near-death experience that fits into your religious and political views.
Be a Christian. Cool. Don't be a mansplainer.
We ended up making nice after I asked what my double dare was and decided 25 push-ups was easier than downloading the book. I really did the push-ups. Ask the Bitches. I keep my word.
Rants need happytime endings. Old school cuddling Bitches. Peace.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Party of Five?
I just read a mother's blog about finding her daughter's diet plan on the floor of her bedroom. I should say "Diyet," pooshups," and "appals" plan. She's seven. Seven years old and worried about having a diet plan because her seven year old friend was on a diet. Seven. I think I have underwear older than that kid and she's worried about a diet.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about healthy living and I'm glad she wanted to eat apples, but a seven year old has no business worrying about that. A seven year old eats what his/her parents tell her to, for better or for worse. And that child's activity level also probably depends a lot on the example of the parent.
Parenting. I guess I shouldn't really even be allowed to have an opinion since I don't have any children. Nobody would disagree with my stance on manners, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, what the hell do I really know? I make a point to thank the parents of the good children I come across. My mother taught me that hearing a compliment about your child is the absolute best feeling in the entire world. The worst feeling? Knowing that your child is in pain. Any physical pain would be better than seeing your child hurt.
My parenting obsession as of late isn't just stuck in the human world. I read these awful stories about ivory poachers in Africa killing pregnant elephants and babies. I read about animals in factory farms being separated from their babies. I know I took my girls from their mothers, but hopefully I am a decent pack leader and they are living happy lives. At least they didn't end up in some Chinese fur factory--do not search that PETA video unless you want to cry and have nightmares.
You're probably thinking, "Her clock is ticking. She wants to have a baby." Does she wanna be a Kate Middleton preggers or a Kim Kardashian preggers? She's getting old, she might want to freeze some eggs, if there's any left...
Truth? I don't know. I would have answered that in the negative without thought until recently. Maybe by the time I actually decide my eggs will be decimated and Man Friend's swimmers doing the backstroke. I don't know.
What a gamble it is... it's not like there is ever a right time. It's not like anyone is ever promised a tomorrow. So how does anyone ever wrap their minds and eggs around the idea of gestation? You can look at the TV or the Facebook for about 13.5 seconds and find some evidence of an unplanned pregnancy. Not getting pregnant never seemed very hard.
So then if you get pregnant, how do you try to not raise the next entitled brat or Adam Lanza? And that isn't some commentary about the good old days. The world has always been fucking crazy. We certainly don't need more people to prove that.
I got the Bitches fixed as soon as they were old enough. Technically, they are "altered females," although I certainly wouldn't call a post-hysterectomy human gal an altered female. Point being, there are so many babies who need homes, I didn't want to add to the problem, although I know Alli would have been a good mom. I always thought the same rang true with human babies, like I should adopt a child if I really want to be a parent. I just don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about healthy living and I'm glad she wanted to eat apples, but a seven year old has no business worrying about that. A seven year old eats what his/her parents tell her to, for better or for worse. And that child's activity level also probably depends a lot on the example of the parent.
Parenting. I guess I shouldn't really even be allowed to have an opinion since I don't have any children. Nobody would disagree with my stance on manners, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, what the hell do I really know? I make a point to thank the parents of the good children I come across. My mother taught me that hearing a compliment about your child is the absolute best feeling in the entire world. The worst feeling? Knowing that your child is in pain. Any physical pain would be better than seeing your child hurt.
My parenting obsession as of late isn't just stuck in the human world. I read these awful stories about ivory poachers in Africa killing pregnant elephants and babies. I read about animals in factory farms being separated from their babies. I know I took my girls from their mothers, but hopefully I am a decent pack leader and they are living happy lives. At least they didn't end up in some Chinese fur factory--do not search that PETA video unless you want to cry and have nightmares.
You're probably thinking, "Her clock is ticking. She wants to have a baby." Does she wanna be a Kate Middleton preggers or a Kim Kardashian preggers? She's getting old, she might want to freeze some eggs, if there's any left...
Truth? I don't know. I would have answered that in the negative without thought until recently. Maybe by the time I actually decide my eggs will be decimated and Man Friend's swimmers doing the backstroke. I don't know.
What a gamble it is... it's not like there is ever a right time. It's not like anyone is ever promised a tomorrow. So how does anyone ever wrap their minds and eggs around the idea of gestation? You can look at the TV or the Facebook for about 13.5 seconds and find some evidence of an unplanned pregnancy. Not getting pregnant never seemed very hard.
So then if you get pregnant, how do you try to not raise the next entitled brat or Adam Lanza? And that isn't some commentary about the good old days. The world has always been fucking crazy. We certainly don't need more people to prove that.
I got the Bitches fixed as soon as they were old enough. Technically, they are "altered females," although I certainly wouldn't call a post-hysterectomy human gal an altered female. Point being, there are so many babies who need homes, I didn't want to add to the problem, although I know Alli would have been a good mom. I always thought the same rang true with human babies, like I should adopt a child if I really want to be a parent. I just don't know.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Incan Jesus...
These internets get me in trouble sometimes. You know how humor doesn't always translate through technology? I forget that, probably due to the fact that my inflated self-esteem tells me I'm quite funny. And though I do enjoy a good fart joke, I try to make smart jokes. Like if I ever had the chance to make say, Stephen Colbert, laugh, I would be ecstatic.
But then I forget that some people take some things, like oh, religion, really seriously.
Like literally seriously.
Personally, I think God, Allah, Bhudda, the oak tree in your yard, however you choose to express your faith or non-faith, is cool. That's not the point of this. My point is that any sort of divine creator or spiritual force has a sense of humor. Look around you. It has to have a sense of humor. So by extension, the Bible can be funny.
I might not be making any friends here.
Seriously, though, I'm no expert on the Bible, but I can't take it literally. I think there are lots of great stories and ideas that can point you in the direction of how you want to live. To me, Noah putting two zebras in an ark isn't the point. I don't need to know that's true. That's a story about strength and faith, even when everyone thinks you are crazy.
Since I hold this view, I don't get too caught up in trying to prove or disprove the factuality of the Bible. So an innocent little post of my friend, Raising Cain (RC), ended up making me look silly and defensive. Although I still think I was funny... even if I had to explain the joke...
Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Legally Blond, LB, does know me, and my sense of humor. I should point out that she was very surprised to learn that Charles Dickens did not write Sweeney Todd.
RC
Thursday near Small SoDak town via mobile
So according to the Bible Jesus and Moses fasted for 40 days....
Like · · Share
Innocent Dude I Don't Know It's doable.
Thursday at 6:31pm via mobile · Like
RC Well I have seen people passing that have gone as long as 3 weeks but 40 days!!!
Thursday at 6:34pm via mobile · Like
RC Was a day then equal to a day now?
Thursday at 6:35pm via mobile · Unlike · 1
Innocent Dude I Don't Know I've done 40 days, but typically use juice for a bit of vitamin intake.
Thursday at 6:35pm · Like
RC That'll bring you closer to God in more than one way
Thursday at 6:40pm via mobile · Like
Innocent Dude I Don't Know Indeed, it could!
Thursday at 6:41pm · Like
LB RC, they were in steadfast prayer throughout the entire time. Its about obedience. Showing God they are able to listen if He called them to do such a thing. Yes, the ultimate goal brings your relationship closer to the Lord. The constant prayer is what brings them closer to having a better relationship with Him. He's a relational God and within that growing relationship He will open your own eyes even to what He knows you can do and a chance to see what He can do for you too.
Thursday at 11:07pm · Like
Me Noah also lived to be like 900... The funniest part of this post is that it looks like Bible Jesus and Moses were fasting together. And I'm like, I'm no Biblical scholar, but my home boy Mo was splittin' seas way back in the OT, a hella long time before Jesus hit the scene. And again, how was time measured? And is "Bible Jesus" a way to differentiate from Mexi Jesus?
Friday at 12:27am · Like · 1
LB http://www.biblestudy.org/basicart/why-did-man-live-longer-before-flood-of-noah-than-after-it.html
Why did man live longer BEFORE the Flood?
www.biblestudy.org
Why did man live longer BEFORE the Flood? Are the long lives a MYTH? What factors led to man living more than 500 years?
Friday at 9:20am via mobile · Like · 1
LB (my name)
Friday at 9:20am via mobile · Like · 1
LB (my name again) they didn't fast together. different times. haha. also, check out bibleclocks.org. that might kinda help. Lastly, Jesus was BORN Jewish. I'm glad and thankful for Who and what I believe. If I'm wrong..then I'm wrong. But if I'm right...then I sure wouldn't want to be that person that had the OPPORTUNITY to know and chose otherwise. Anyway,I love you, girls and think abt you often!
Friday at 9:36am · Like
Me I understand the difference between OT and NT. I know that Jesus was Jewish. I know that Jews do not believe in Jesus as the Messiah. I'm aware that the OT is the important part to the Jews and the NT is the important part to the Evangelicals unless they want to hate on gays or women. I know that Moses is probably the most important prophet to the Jews, but he is also important to Christians and Muslims. I am aware that Mexico was not an organized country during the time of which we are speaking. I was just being silly. My comments about "Bible Jesus and Moses" fasting together was just a play on the grammar. I went to church, sunday school, and youth group for years. I was just having a little fun with the post cuz RC and I like to have a little fun.
Friday at 10:13am · Like
Me Nothing personal, girl, just don't want you to think I'm uninformed. We just believe differently! Hope you are well, LB!
Friday at 10:14am · Like
Me My comments were, not was... subject-verb agreement. Slap my wrist.
Friday at 10:15am · Like
LB Oh Gotchya! Yea everything is goin really well. We should catch up sometime..much love..
Friday at 10:28am via mobile · Unlike · 1
Funny, right? Or maybe I am just a big, bully jerkface? Now I just want to go to YouTube and watch Sweeney Todd clips. That Patti LuPone is something else. But there must be a moral to this story... did we learn anything?
I am certain there were no Incans named Jesus.
But then I forget that some people take some things, like oh, religion, really seriously.
Like literally seriously.
Personally, I think God, Allah, Bhudda, the oak tree in your yard, however you choose to express your faith or non-faith, is cool. That's not the point of this. My point is that any sort of divine creator or spiritual force has a sense of humor. Look around you. It has to have a sense of humor. So by extension, the Bible can be funny.
I might not be making any friends here.
Seriously, though, I'm no expert on the Bible, but I can't take it literally. I think there are lots of great stories and ideas that can point you in the direction of how you want to live. To me, Noah putting two zebras in an ark isn't the point. I don't need to know that's true. That's a story about strength and faith, even when everyone thinks you are crazy.
Since I hold this view, I don't get too caught up in trying to prove or disprove the factuality of the Bible. So an innocent little post of my friend, Raising Cain (RC), ended up making me look silly and defensive. Although I still think I was funny... even if I had to explain the joke...
Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Legally Blond, LB, does know me, and my sense of humor. I should point out that she was very surprised to learn that Charles Dickens did not write Sweeney Todd.
RC
Thursday near Small SoDak town via mobile
So according to the Bible Jesus and Moses fasted for 40 days....
Like · · Share
Innocent Dude I Don't Know It's doable.
Thursday at 6:31pm via mobile · Like
RC Well I have seen people passing that have gone as long as 3 weeks but 40 days!!!
Thursday at 6:34pm via mobile · Like
RC Was a day then equal to a day now?
Thursday at 6:35pm via mobile · Unlike · 1
Innocent Dude I Don't Know I've done 40 days, but typically use juice for a bit of vitamin intake.
Thursday at 6:35pm · Like
RC That'll bring you closer to God in more than one way
Thursday at 6:40pm via mobile · Like
Innocent Dude I Don't Know Indeed, it could!
Thursday at 6:41pm · Like
LB RC, they were in steadfast prayer throughout the entire time. Its about obedience. Showing God they are able to listen if He called them to do such a thing. Yes, the ultimate goal brings your relationship closer to the Lord. The constant prayer is what brings them closer to having a better relationship with Him. He's a relational God and within that growing relationship He will open your own eyes even to what He knows you can do and a chance to see what He can do for you too.
Thursday at 11:07pm · Like
Me Noah also lived to be like 900... The funniest part of this post is that it looks like Bible Jesus and Moses were fasting together. And I'm like, I'm no Biblical scholar, but my home boy Mo was splittin' seas way back in the OT, a hella long time before Jesus hit the scene. And again, how was time measured? And is "Bible Jesus" a way to differentiate from Mexi Jesus?
Friday at 12:27am · Like · 1
LB http://www.biblestudy.org/basicart/why-did-man-live-longer-before-flood-of-noah-than-after-it.html
Why did man live longer BEFORE the Flood?
www.biblestudy.org
Why did man live longer BEFORE the Flood? Are the long lives a MYTH? What factors led to man living more than 500 years?
Friday at 9:20am via mobile · Like · 1
LB (my name)
Friday at 9:20am via mobile · Like · 1
LB (my name again) they didn't fast together. different times. haha. also, check out bibleclocks.org. that might kinda help. Lastly, Jesus was BORN Jewish. I'm glad and thankful for Who and what I believe. If I'm wrong..then I'm wrong. But if I'm right...then I sure wouldn't want to be that person that had the OPPORTUNITY to know and chose otherwise. Anyway,I love you, girls and think abt you often!
Friday at 9:36am · Like
Me I understand the difference between OT and NT. I know that Jesus was Jewish. I know that Jews do not believe in Jesus as the Messiah. I'm aware that the OT is the important part to the Jews and the NT is the important part to the Evangelicals unless they want to hate on gays or women. I know that Moses is probably the most important prophet to the Jews, but he is also important to Christians and Muslims. I am aware that Mexico was not an organized country during the time of which we are speaking. I was just being silly. My comments about "Bible Jesus and Moses" fasting together was just a play on the grammar. I went to church, sunday school, and youth group for years. I was just having a little fun with the post cuz RC and I like to have a little fun.
Friday at 10:13am · Like
Me Nothing personal, girl, just don't want you to think I'm uninformed. We just believe differently! Hope you are well, LB!
Friday at 10:14am · Like
Me My comments were, not was... subject-verb agreement. Slap my wrist.
Friday at 10:15am · Like
LB Oh Gotchya! Yea everything is goin really well. We should catch up sometime..much love..
Friday at 10:28am via mobile · Unlike · 1
Funny, right? Or maybe I am just a big, bully jerkface? Now I just want to go to YouTube and watch Sweeney Todd clips. That Patti LuPone is something else. But there must be a moral to this story... did we learn anything?
I am certain there were no Incans named Jesus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)