Party of Five?

I just read a mother's blog about finding her daughter's diet plan on the floor of her bedroom. I should say "Diyet," pooshups," and "appals" plan. She's seven. Seven years old and worried about having a diet plan because her seven year old friend was on a diet. Seven. I think I have underwear older than that kid and she's worried about a diet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about healthy living and I'm glad she wanted to eat apples, but a seven year old has no business worrying about that. A seven year old eats what his/her parents tell her to, for better or for worse. And that child's activity level also probably depends a lot on the example of the parent.

Parenting. I guess I shouldn't really even be allowed to have an opinion since I don't have any children. Nobody would disagree with my stance on manners, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, what the hell do I really know? I make a point to thank the parents of the good children I come across. My mother taught me that hearing a compliment about your child is the absolute best feeling in the entire world. The worst feeling? Knowing that your child is in pain. Any physical pain would be better than seeing your child hurt.

My parenting obsession as of late isn't just stuck in the human world. I read these awful stories about ivory poachers in Africa killing pregnant elephants and babies. I read about animals in factory farms being separated from their babies. I know I took my girls from their mothers, but hopefully I am a decent pack leader and they are living happy lives. At least they didn't end up in some Chinese fur factory--do not search that PETA video unless you want to cry and have nightmares.

You're probably thinking, "Her clock is ticking. She wants to have a baby." Does she wanna be a Kate Middleton preggers or a Kim Kardashian preggers? She's getting old, she might want to freeze some eggs, if there's any left...

Truth? I don't know. I would have answered that in the negative without thought until recently. Maybe by the time I actually decide my eggs will be decimated and Man Friend's swimmers doing the backstroke. I don't know.

What a gamble it is... it's not like there is ever a right time. It's not like anyone is ever promised a tomorrow. So how does anyone ever wrap their minds and eggs around the idea of gestation? You can look at the TV or the Facebook for about 13.5 seconds and find some evidence of an unplanned pregnancy. Not getting pregnant never seemed very hard.

So then if you get pregnant, how do you try to not raise the next entitled brat or Adam Lanza? And that isn't some commentary about the good old days. The world has always been fucking crazy. We certainly don't need more people to prove that.

I got the Bitches fixed as soon as they were old enough. Technically, they are "altered females," although I certainly wouldn't call a post-hysterectomy human gal an altered female. Point being, there are so many babies who need homes, I didn't want to add to the problem, although I know Alli would have been a good mom. I always thought the same rang true with human babies, like I should adopt a child if I really want to be a parent. I just don't know.