Two little girls at my niece’s daycare hurt her feelings the other day. They told her she wasn’t pretty, which according to my brother, was quite a blow for her. Quite a blow for me, too, since she looks like a tiny me. But the part that really bugged me was that she’s only three years old.
Like I said, she looks like me, so of course I think she’s the cutest little thing ever. It’s mind bending to me that this type of nonsense starts so young. My brother said they talked about it and he assured her that she is a very pretty little girl. The good part about her being three is that she doesn’t have the life experience to know that her dad is always gonna say that. My first instinct would have not been so pretty. My first instinct was to tell those two tiny trolls to get fucked for being pre-mean girls and ask them what exactly pretty is anyway? Pageant girls made up like tiny hookers? Weak, skinny little things? One of the dumb heroines from a Disney cartoon? Short or tall? Only blondes? Just because we look like the ones Hitler forgot doesn’t mean we aren’t pretty…
One of my male friends in college gave this half drunken ramble about how girls are classified according to their looks. There were several main categories: beautiful, cute, pretty, hot, big boned, and no. No is obvious. Stop a truck, a face only a mother could love, and the like. Big boned was a nice way of saying fat and reserved for fat girls who were nice, funny, and had good attitudes. Hot was the sort of untouchable print model-like chick who was probably a bitch but you put up with it because you liked looking at her and most of your friends wanted to fuck her. Pretty is the natural, girl next door type. And cute, yes, cute. Bunnies are cute. Puppies are cute. Cute is where you clump lots of girls who aren’t super attractive, but they aren’t really unattractive either. Any of these chicks can be sexy depending on how they carry themselves and how drunk you are. But what, you say? I forgot beautiful? No, the best is always last. Beauty is manifested from within. That’s the stuff where a girl starts talking and she’s sweet and smart and kind, and maybe she laughs at your dumb joke and the whole room lights up. That pretty face you noticed is suddenly beautiful. That’s the good stuff. Man Friend echoed a similar sentiment regarding beauty years later, so I think we’re on to something here.
This whole thing really got me thinking about my definition of beauty and how long it took me to be okay with my looks. When I was growing up, I was often reminded of my intelligence. I’m sure someone probably said something affirmative about my looks along the way, but I certainly don’t remember it. I don’t remember a lot of negativity about my looks either, for that matter. I guess it really wasn’t overly important to me until junior high and high school. By then, I was more of the over-achiever or the funny one and even though the lack of shit like compliments, dates, or boyfriends was a downer, there was enough going on in my life to fill my time. I do believe, though, some of the seeds for feeling unattractive were planted then. And shit, then I was drunk and fat and then drunk for a long time, so since I was 100% uncomfortable with myself, I certainly wasn’t going to be attractive to anyone worth anything. It’s really only been the last few years that I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw.
I just want my niece to grow up being comfortable with how she looks. I hope it doesn’t take her as long as it’s taken me. I think it’s much more important to tell girls that they are smart and can do anything they want than to tell them they are pretty. I hope she doesn’t spend hours judging herself by how she thinks she is physically perceived by others. I hope she develops a sense of self that allows her inner beauty to shine. I want her to know that I had those same chubby little legs and now those legs can run further than a lot of people reading this. I want her to know that even though there will always be mean tiny troll spouting venom, there will also be people and dogs who will love you unconditionally. I want her to know that strength of mind, body, and soul together will get her through anything.
The bitches are the total package. They are smart, athletic, loyal, strong, stubborn, loving, and beautiful. I once saw a bumper sticker that read, “God let me be the person my dog thinks I am.” I just wanna be like my dogs.
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