SPOILER ALERT: THE FOLLOWING IS OVERTLY HETEROSEXIST AND WESTERN-CENTRIC. THE WRITER, HERSELF, IS NOT.
Yesterday, a friend posed the question if there was anything on Earth more stupid than a promise ring? My favorite response was yes, an abstinence ring, but contemplating why fake marrying one’s father will keep someone from having pre-marital sex is a whole other realm of bizarro than I care to get into this evening. I must admit, I did always think promise rings were pretty stupid. A way of saying, “I think I like you enough that I will want to marry you someday.” Don’t overthink it, stupid, you’ll know or you won’t, right? And no sense worrying about possible outcomes that don’t have any bearing on the present moment. Ring or not, she’s gonna be faithful or unfaithful on her own accord.
Of course I decided to Google promise rings and see if there is some historical significance to the practice. Talk of betrothals just makes me want to vomit. But the few sites I managed to peruse without losing my smoothie, I did learn a few things. Apparently, not everyone considers a promise ring to be a pre-cursor to an engagement one. Some people consider the previously mentioned purity or abstinence ring as a promise ring. And I guess Tiffany recorded a song about one? After Playboy. Also, there appeared to be no consensus that a promise ring had to be strictly for a lady. Probably more of a nod to the more religious variety than to our gay friends, but I’ll take it none the less.
I guess I never really understood the point of a ring generally. Okay, so a wedding band makes sense as a symbol of your commitment. If it’s something you agree to and can afford, I think that’s pretty cool. I have witnessed people slipping their rings off, which kind of makes me want to puke, but makes me more thankful to not be married to a douche that would do that. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone loved his/her spouse so much they claimed and celebrated him/her, instead of hiding it? Oh the sanctity.
I just giggled when I realized that I typed “tit.” Beavis.
But back to the pre-marriage rings, why do women wear a ring and men don’t? It’s almost like men are pissing on their turf or marking her off the market. Not to mention the absurd amount of money that these rings can cost. I did nearly eject my smoothie after reading that the average engagement ring cost $5,200 and 12% of American couples spend in excess of $8,000 (http://www.jckonline.com/2011/09/02/average-engagement-ring-costs-5200-says-survey-knot ) . And this is less than a few years ago. Cuz he loves you more if it costs more? Cuz you can stare at it and think how pretty it is when you realize you were more concerned with what the ring was like than being concerned with what being married would be like?
Don’t get me wrong, I know people who are happily married. I don’ t know how much they spent on rings. Some of my friends don’t have any rings. I just think $5,200 plus more for wedding bands is a pretty gnarly investment for a 50/50 shot at success. And what happens to the rings if you get divorced anyway? I may have put up this ad on eBay to try and get rid of a ring I was given…
This ring needs a new home and new kharma, meaning a giver who wants to refer to the receiver as his/her fiance, not his/her roommate. It’s perfect for the pragmatic gal who loves you more than your money. Sized 6½ wedding set, originally purchased in 2004 for $450. It’s white gold and the diamonds are, “perfect even though they’re not that big,” according to a friend of mine who’s into that stuff. Carrots are something I eat and jewelry stores make me want to vomit. The prongs on the engagement band will need to be re-done within the next year or two.
It didn’t sell so I gave it to one of the line cooks at work. I wonder what ever happened to it?
I guess I would be suspect of anyone who expected an engagement ring. Carrots, indeed, are something I eat. Let the hate mail begin…
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