Sub 60 400

I used to be a much more competitive person. I don’t know if I’ve mellowed with age or have fallen into the just don’t give a shit category, but I must say that the lack of competition has made me a much calmer person. Like when I play volleyball, I would rather lose a good match than win in a blowout. Or when I do a race, I am not all that concerned with my time.

Somehow, that topic of competitive time came up in conversation yesterday at the Cess Pool. (The Cess Pool is pet name for a local watering hole where I like to enjoy an O’Douls and conversation.) One of the regulars was all jazzed up because he had lost some weight and, pretty much out of nowhere, bet my friend $50 that he could run a 400 in under 60. Now, considering how often said regular steps outside to smoke a cigarette and how much vodka and bourbon said regular consumes, I couldn’t see how that was possible. But trying to be nice and not point out the vices, I asked, “How old are you?"

He responded, “49.”

A few seconds of silence ensued.

My friend’s reply, “When I was in high school, I ran the third leg of a 4x400 relay and my best times were around 55. WHEN I WAS 18. The best guys ran 51s. AND THEY WERE 18."

“I couldn’t run a sub 60 400 and I am in decent shape,” I said.

“You train for endurance,” he responded, “you don’t train for speed.”

Pardon me, I didn’t know Michael Johnson drank at the Cess Pool.

The regular insisted he could do a sub 60 400 through lots of gesturing and strange faces. He requested 90 days to train. He says training starts by running a block and then walking a block. Sigh…

Hands were shaken. He requested that we record his glorious moment for posterity. He wanted a copy of the day’s Argus Leader in the opening shot so there would be no question on the date. He called for a tape to break at the finish line. Really, he did.

Then he went outside for a cigarette.

My friend and I Googled some 400 m record times. World class male athletes run 43+. World class females run 47+. I texted my brother and he said his best time, when he was 18, was a 55.

So, come August 9, 2011, at 5:15 p.m., location to be determined, a 6-3, 180 pound drinker and smoker who has walked this earth for 49 years will attempt a sub 60 400. Or maybe he will have a heart attack. The part I don’t understand about all this is the ego. The clear contention that this was gonna happen and it was gonna be easy. Was it male ego or a general lack of humility? Or had he had just enough vodka that it seemed possible? Too bad he made the bet with a sober guy in front of a sober witness.

I think I’m gonna let it slide and not say anything about the bet for at least a month. Then one day, I’m gonna casually ask him how the training is going, probably while he’s on the way outside to have a smoke.